So why is my baby choosing to be breech?

This blog is a part of a thriving network serving to re-normalise safe breech birth. Here's  a link to a facebook group, Coalition for Breech Birth. If you are reading as a mama with a baby who's head is in your ribs then blessings to you, beautiful woman, you will navigate this moment beautifully in the way that is right for you. There are lots of other posts on following your inner guidance alongside the information available to work out what will be best for you. I've experienced it with two of my pregnancies, no.1 and no.3 babies which is how this blog was initiated.

In this moment, I am hosting a head-down baby who is in her last few days or weeks in utero. My purely physical understanding of this is that her head is a different shape to my breechies heads (intuitively judged by looking at the 20 week scan images) and that this is the way she will best find her way through my pelvis.

If I look deeper at mental, emotional and spiritual reasons why a babe might choose head down, I would share the following. It may be helpful if you are wondering: Just why is my baby choosing breech presentation?

With a head-down baby, I sense a moving away from each other - that through her birth (just like my previous head-downer no.2 baby) she begins straight away this separation and launching into life. I'm an attachment mama, so I don't mean I will be treating her any differently to the rest of my babies!! I'm a bed-sharer, baby-wearer, on-demand breastfeeder, snuggler mama. But what I'm describing is perhaps more about the kind of personality my baby has -- she is ready to go, to dive head first into the world, to make her mark, she will have less need of me as she grows.

In comparison, my breechies (as talked about in Holding on to the mother's heart strings) are more walking by my side. We have similar issues that we work through as we grow. I feel that we are tied, joined, perhaps through our journey that was navigating the health system for a safe vaginal birth. Feet ready to go, landing on the earth with two feet, able to look me in the eyes straight away, moving together through life.

My osteopath pointed out a way that I hold my womb (right hand down low as though shielding from period pain) that may well hinder a baby turning if it was trying to. I am resting my hands on the top of the bump now -- and also taking her advice I move my hands in a clockwise motion around the bump.

I loved this prompt that we as mothers can be physically involved in the baby's choice. For me, they have chosen the best way to come for them and I have been facilitator for their choice. So in this pregnancy, these hand gestures were appropriate and baby happily took up the opportunity to turn head-down -- whereas for my breechies, any techniques like that would perhaps not have 'worked' and I may have felt useless and a failure at not being able to get them to turn but that actually, they were just right being breech. They glided out of me with the elegance of dancers, both of them.

Clearly there's no answer as to why, yet I wanted to offer some of my reflections on this as I'm in the position to compare the two presentations! Who knows, this baby may be an elusive breech like no.3 was (undiagnosed despite 5 different midwives palpating him towards the end of the pregnancy!) -- and I may indeed me surprised to find myself holding a bottom during second stage labour!!

May your journey be full of opportunities to notice the gifts being offered to you - may you know when the advice is heartfelt and true for you, and when you can simply blink, look away and say 'well that's not relevant for me right now'. You are the master of your experience divine woman.

On resilience and surrender

So here's our birthing mother, savvy about the possible interventions that may be offered to her, birth plan in hand, inner strength activated, aware that she is likely to be attended by someone she's not met before, moving into the birth zone of surrender and release. Wow what a combination!

I wonder if here is where one of the cruxes of safe birth lies? Being able to steer a course between the two extremes, being able to say No assertively at the same time as accepting the flood of labour as she opens up with a joyful Yes!

As I write I'm aware I'm directly recalling the words of my doula at last week's birth group, thank you Rachel!

Each of my pregnancies and births have offered me a gift, an area for development and growth and whilst this balance of Yes and No is true for anyone birthing in our culture, it feels very close to my heart in particular at this time.

To be resilient is not to be closed to those around me, but to be clear and centred in myself and aware of the skills I have to bounce and to cope with whatever a situation arises.

To surrender is not to pass over control to someone else blindly though it is an opportunity to lay back into the hands of God/Source/All That Is and trust.

To be 'in control' can necessarily accomodate surrendering, as it is my choice to do so.

I am re-reading a book called Birthing from Within which encourages the uncovering of layers of questions, focuses, anxieties to prepare oneself for birth. Using creativity to help unpack anything which may stand in the way of a flowing birth experience. I found a peaceful spot around dawn this morning to journal (which I totally recommend!) and played for some time with some oil pastels, and felt some real breakthroughs with addressing this balance within myself.

The image my subconscious drew helped me see that when I birth I am accessing a power greater than the hills. When focusing on the part of my body that physically needs to coast the balance between surrender and resilience, my Pelvic Floor, I drew rainbows of healing to any pain and worry held there. Rainbows for me represent the whole spectrum of experience. The act of colouring in this image really shifted some blocks and I will be revisiting it.

I didn't expect this blog to have further personal journeys within it as I thought my birthing days ended with my 3rd! I'm going with the flow as to where this takes the blog -- lets see if she chooses breech or cephallic!

I've found it so helpful to learn what other pregnant people are experiencing as we are each on such a personal path approaching birth. I feel there is always more to develop and open up, and again really encourage any reader to delve deep down into how you are (the book I mentioned above is a great support, like a manual, for doing this) and what this experience is bringing up for you.

Its a real joy to be fully present with the pregnancy, my body, its reactions, emotions, sensations. From this place of self-knowledge I can look upon the valley of surrender with the resilient strength of the mountain and it not feel like a contradiction!! You go girl!!

Pregnant Pause

Now I've used this phrase before many times as a playful way of looking at the last couple of weeks of pregnancy, so imagine my frustration to feel that I have arrived at that place already at only 34 weeks! I wonder how many readers also find the emotional places that pregnancy can take us to quite bewildering at times?

I joked with my husband today asking him to stop being so effective - stop achieving so many projects in the garden -- its starting to get on my nerves as I sit, unmotivated and stilled (and downright grumpy lets be honest) by the growing going on inside me.

Because surely, I keep telling myself, growing the itsy human being is enough -- why be so impatient, why feel so useless and worthless when I look around me at the things I'm *not* achieving? It is only 2 months after all and then our new baby will be here and they'll be lots more to *not* achieve over the oncoming year!!

Calm then, be still. Know that all is well, allow the still days to be still. Outward energy bursts will come and go, and when they are not there, it makes sense to trust that there are inward leaps and increased fullness occurring within the womb.

More tales from the pelvis - Care for those tired bones!

When I lie down, it seems to mould its way into the bed! If I stand still for some time, or lean against a wall, again there is a definite mirroring of the object I am in contact with. And then I can feel my back heaving under the weight and willing me to rest more as my mind captures jobs that seem so Important right now that I Can't Stop! Such is the journey of the busy pregnant woman's pelvis.

Here are some things that help me as the relaxin hormone in my body, preparing my system beautifully for a safe and roomy birth canal, takes a bit stronger hold than I would like and simply Hurts. (I've had SPD in my second pregnancy helped enormously by a skilled osteopath, and similarly the discomfort that can arise with subsequent babies benefits a lot by one or two visits to see her. I recommend osteopathy in pregnancy and for babies with wholehearted assertion!).

- Movement, belly dancing, gently swinging those hips to bring back some fluidity to the joints. All fours, or simply a gentle twist in the computer chair, movement helps engage with the changes to the body. 

This is the vessel through which you will be birthing your child, familiarise, talk to it, find out what feels good :)

- Lying down on my side, even for ten minutes, at present my favourite place is in our barn space outside with the rabbit, on some warm, soft carpet, feeling my weight supported perfectly by Mother Earth. Pippin the rabbit helps me disengage from whatever it was that I thought was so Important. Lying down and resting is simply the best gift you can give your body at this time. 

Ten minutes does make a difference :)

- Talking to the baby whilst doing either of the above to reconnect and remind me why my body can feel such discomfort right now. Just like labour, it is pain to a purpose. Imagining soft light or oil soothing those joints, listening to what my body is telling me about the positions that work and those that aggravate.

- Stretching and dangling (Yes already! - I have written a whole post on my passion for dangling in childbirth!) Reaching up high and letting those legs gently release the weight they carry in turn takes the pressure from the pelvis and lower back. 

Delicious :)

Happy Dancing. 

Head up head down, wherever the baby is, this is the body that will birth her, these are the bones that will juicily move aside as part of the dance as this precious child comes into the world. 

Listen to those bones, those muscles, know them, care for them. 

Celebrate the ingenuity that is your glorious female body!

Pelvis ripening!

Now there are some phrases that only belong on the blogs of birth-lovers! And I feel this title is one of them!

Since I last wrote on this blog, I have found that we have again been blessed and are expecting our fourth child. I am now at 26 weeks and in the middle of a house move. We know the baby is a girl, my sense so far has been that she will be a head-down baby -- wishful thinking that I won't have to go through the dance of the NHS's concerns again?! Well anyway, we will see as the next few months unfold. At my midwife appointment yesterday she was presenting breech.. too early to be any clue as to how she'll present at birth, but it of course started my little mind turning over and over about what choices I might make later on.

Every word and every gesture spoken to a woman in pregnancy and during labour and birth is crucial. We are like sponges, hearing and sensing for signs of safety, of clues that all is well. I remind myself now that it is important for me to keep this in mind when with folk I don't know so well (including the NHS midwives, wonderful though they probably are, they are not all client-centred and mindful of positive birthing). Teflon cloak - let the comments bounce! Careful who I share information with and who I spend time with, to keep me at the centre of this safe-birthing experience.

This last week I have blossomed physically so that I'm not sure whether I'll fit between certain obstacles in shopping aisles anymore and it takes me a bit of manoeuvring to get out of a low chair (in fact I am avoiding low chairs it has to be said!) Sitting on a couple of cushions piled up on the sofa helps me keep the hips above the knees which instinctively feels like a good position to be in. I was a bit religious about it in my first pregnancy after learning about the best positioning (to get baby's spine down on the left hand side of the belly - otherwise known as Optimum Foetal Positioning) but in subsequent gestations its also felt good. So much more comfy.

And after a few rainy days housebound, only really transferring to the car if we did go out, I remembered that fresh air would be good. I've been experiencing varicose veins and leg cramps at night - both of which I've had lots of advice for but the bit that jumped out at me was Exercise! So I've been walking round the block twice a day (with or without the kids if I can drum up their support) and can definitely feel the loosening of the pelvic muscles and the benefit of giving them some circulation, some opportunity for movement.

Its like I've moved into birth preparation phase both in my mind and body -- I'm more focused now on negotiating that unknown expanse in my pelvis, getting to know the sensations of that whole sacral area, hip circling and generally being conscious of how I'm sitting, standing, lying, walking. What feels good, what feels uncomfy, which positions allow space? This babe and I have a journey to traverse together and it begins now as we get ready to enter our third trimester.

I'm imagining what will be around me when the time comes for me to contract and by holding that image, I know that I will draw the experience to myself. It is an active, positive process to eke out the thorns, ideas, theories, mindsets (my own and those in society around me) that do not resonate with that image over the coming weeks so that no stone is left unturned that could stand in the way of me safely easing this babe into the world.

I welcome this process as I know it has worked the last three times I've done it. Each preparation journey was different and it flowed simply by holding that image of safety and letting it be the anchor point while I worked through and acknowledged any triggers, any doubts, worries, niggles, criticisms, angers etc. So that when that first clear contraction comes and I know that labour has begun, I am ready. Simply ready. Head up, head down, its all the same, a miraculous yet efficient manoeuvring of two bodies - listen to the mind and the emotions now, give them time to prepare so that when it comes to the physical bit they can stand aside and watch the exquisite dance.

Inside and beyond the storm

Outside of our labouring woman is a wild storm that she can at best blank out and go within. Her birth partner can hold her space for her - it is the strongest gift they can give. For the storm of cultural taboos, male female conundrum, obstetric reason intervening, midwifery in varying stages of remembering, a persistent unfamiliarity for the pain and mess of a delicious birthing creation, is not relevant for our labouring woman.

I have total trust that the environment amongst birthing professionals is working itself out to provide a truly safe space for labouring woman. But still, just now, lets acknowledge it with its perfections and imperfections and return to our labouring woman.

Deep inside, the dance is beginning. She can invite who she chooses to be present. The cushion of flesh and muscle rippling and tightening as she moves instinctively, subtly, outwardly, inwardly, feeling, sinking into the glorious now of her unique rhythm.

A bubble of love and comfort surrounds her, allowing her to surrender her whole to this awesome act. Well done Beautiful, you're doing it, the dance is blossoming and unfurling within you, you are perfectly ready for these moments.

Power surges are grounded as she moans and rocks. Deep roots into mother earth who hears and holds every woman and man through the ages. Well done Fine Creature, you are Life itself, in your safety is creation, is a baby's first moment, is smooth unhindered transition and release. Well done,we are with you, we trust your body, we are watchful and heartened with every breath of progress. Even in the seemingly dormant moments is a natural and perfect unfolding.

I don't want to be different!

So many times in my (known) breech pregnancy, I really wanted to be perceived as normal and it helped me enormously when I attended a workshop by Mary Cronk who very much refers to Normal Breech Birth. I had a strong conviction when pregnant that I fitted in that category (even though it was years later that I found that phrase).

Again though, no matter how much wisened, informed practitioners may know it is simply a variation on normal, there is still a lot of fear and shadow surrounding the breech experience and little effort is made to shelter the pregnant woman from this fear.

And so it toughened me up I think, to realise that I was the one to make the decisions about the birth. That I was being asked to step out of my comfort zone either way. I could choose a elective caesarian section that felt unnecessary and traumatic to me, or I could choose to stand away from the advice of primary caregivers and find my own path. If I was looking for a doctor to say it'll all be fine trust your body, I was sorely mistaken. The situation is changing amongst healthcare professionals, but ultimately I think that taking responsibility for our own health choices is empowering and the way forward. I did not reject their knowledge and skill, I simply kept reading further to make sure I attended to my own needs first and foremost.

I sought the support of women who did know that it was safe to trust my body, and through them found access to birth stories of safe breech birth, advice, information that gently fed the seed of confidence right up to the day. Checking in with how I felt along the way, there were days where I was very afraid having to take such a bold step, but I feel this was all part of me growing and becoming a mother. I continued to get very positive feedback in the form of appropriate care and advice coming my way, and this helped me to feel validated on my path to birthing my daughter in the safest way I knew how.