Now there are some phrases that only belong on the blogs of birth-lovers! And I feel this title is one of them!
Since I last wrote on this blog, I have found that we have again been blessed and are expecting our fourth child. I am now at 26 weeks and in the middle of a house move. We know the baby is a girl, my sense so far has been that she will be a head-down baby -- wishful thinking that I won't have to go through the dance of the NHS's concerns again?! Well anyway, we will see as the next few months unfold. At my midwife appointment yesterday she was presenting breech.. too early to be any clue as to how she'll present at birth, but it of course started my little mind turning over and over about what choices I might make later on.
Every word and every gesture spoken to a woman in pregnancy and during labour and birth is crucial. We are like sponges, hearing and sensing for signs of safety, of clues that all is well. I remind myself now that it is important for me to keep this in mind when with folk I don't know so well (including the NHS midwives, wonderful though they probably are, they are not all client-centred and mindful of positive birthing). Teflon cloak - let the comments bounce! Careful who I share information with and who I spend time with, to keep me at the centre of this safe-birthing experience.
This last week I have blossomed physically so that I'm not sure whether I'll fit between certain obstacles in shopping aisles anymore and it takes me a bit of manoeuvring to get out of a low chair (in fact I am avoiding low chairs it has to be said!) Sitting on a couple of cushions piled up on the sofa helps me keep the hips above the knees which instinctively feels like a good position to be in. I was a bit religious about it in my first pregnancy after learning about the best positioning (to get baby's spine down on the left hand side of the belly - otherwise known as Optimum Foetal Positioning) but in subsequent gestations its also felt good. So much more comfy.
And after a few rainy days housebound, only really transferring to the car if we did go out, I remembered that fresh air would be good. I've been experiencing varicose veins and leg cramps at night - both of which I've had lots of advice for but the bit that jumped out at me was Exercise! So I've been walking round the block twice a day (with or without the kids if I can drum up their support) and can definitely feel the loosening of the pelvic muscles and the benefit of giving them some circulation, some opportunity for movement.
Its like I've moved into birth preparation phase both in my mind and body -- I'm more focused now on negotiating that unknown expanse in my pelvis, getting to know the sensations of that whole sacral area, hip circling and generally being conscious of how I'm sitting, standing, lying, walking. What feels good, what feels uncomfy, which positions allow space? This babe and I have a journey to traverse together and it begins now as we get ready to enter our third trimester.
I'm imagining what will be around me when the time comes for me to contract and by holding that image, I know that I will draw the experience to myself. It is an active, positive process to eke out the thorns, ideas, theories, mindsets (my own and those in society around me) that do not resonate with that image over the coming weeks so that no stone is left unturned that could stand in the way of me safely easing this babe into the world.
I welcome this process as I know it has worked the last three times I've done it. Each preparation journey was different and it flowed simply by holding that image of safety and letting it be the anchor point while I worked through and acknowledged any triggers, any doubts, worries, niggles, criticisms, angers etc. So that when that first clear contraction comes and I know that labour has begun, I am ready. Simply ready. Head up, head down, its all the same, a miraculous yet efficient manoeuvring of two bodies - listen to the mind and the emotions now, give them time to prepare so that when it comes to the physical bit they can stand aside and watch the exquisite dance.